One of my fellow bloggers mentioned last week that she thought it would be easier to start over with a fresh partner than to try to change the dynamic with your long time partner. Very astute little monkey. The odd thing is that I had thought the same thing many times. I have been with My slut for over 11 years and I find it quite challenging to try to really push her. For one reason I know that she isn't a natural submissive and is finding it very difficult to submit to me. Either because she can't or doesn't want to but loves me too much to say so. I know she wants me to be happy, but that doesn't mean she will be able to do what I need to be happy. When I have discussed it with others who are of similar tastes as me, I have no problem saying what I need and want, but with her, I'm afraid of scaring her or making her think I am a monster. Some days I feel like a monster. My sadistic side is really growing in me and I want to let that side out more. She is not the target for him though. She isn't ready for that kind of intensity.
I don't want to leave her for reasons more than that we have a young son together. I do love her, but there are things I need that I don't know if she will ever be able to fulfill. I want a submissive pain slut that loves bondage. None of these things describe her. Other than she can handle a fair bit of pain, she is far from being a pain slut. And as far as submitting and letting me bind her, we are not even close to being there.
I know I need to be patient, but I have been waiting for over a decade and my patience is wearing thin. The ideal situation would be for me to go elsewhere for the things I need, but she would never agree to allowing me to get that outside our marriage. She was cheated on repeatedly by her ex. So I'm basically at an impasse. Do I destroy my wife and child's lives, or suffer in silence. Neither option is very appealing for me. The last thing I will do is hurt my son though. Not going to happen.
I guess I will just keep on going and see what happens. Keep trying to encourage her to let go and hope for the best. The problem is I have been hoping for a long time, and I don't have much hope left.