Tuesday, May 10, 2011

A keen observation...

One of my fellow bloggers mentioned last week that she thought it would be easier to start over with a fresh partner than to try to change the dynamic with your long time partner. Very astute little monkey. The odd thing is that I had thought the same thing many times. I have been with My slut for over 11 years and I find it quite challenging to try to really push her. For one reason I know that she isn't a natural submissive and is finding it very difficult to submit to me. Either because she can't or doesn't want to but loves me too much to say so. I know she wants me to be happy, but that doesn't mean she will be able to do what I need to be happy. When I have discussed it with others who are of similar tastes as me, I have no problem saying what I need and want, but with her, I'm afraid of scaring her or making her think I am a monster. Some days I feel like a monster. My sadistic side is really growing in me and I want to let that side out more. She is not the target for him though. She isn't ready for that kind of intensity.

I don't want to leave her for reasons more than that we have a young son together. I do love her, but there are things I need that I don't know if she will ever be able to fulfill. I want a submissive pain slut that loves bondage. None of these things describe her. Other than she can handle a fair bit of pain, she is far from being a pain slut. And as far as submitting and letting me bind her, we are not even close to being there.

I know I need to be patient, but I have been waiting for over a decade and my patience is wearing thin. The ideal situation would be for me to go elsewhere for the things I need, but she would never agree to allowing me to get that outside our marriage. She was cheated on repeatedly by her ex. So I'm basically at an impasse. Do I destroy my wife and child's lives, or suffer in silence. Neither option is very appealing for me. The last thing I will do is hurt my son though. Not going to happen.

I guess I will just keep on going and see what happens. Keep trying to encourage her to let go and hope for the best. The problem is I have been hoping for a long time, and I don't have much hope left.



  1. William. This really touched me. You are trying so hard to make things work but you sound so sad. She is very lucky to have you and I'm sure she knows it. A lot of us face similar situations and it isn't easy to find a way to care for ourselves as well as the others in our lives. I hope you find something that works for you. Alice.

  2. I agree with Alice, you do sound sad. I don't like to hear you be down on yourself and all that you have accomplished. I totally understand where you are coming from. You can not punish yourself because of the needs and desires you have as well.

  3. Reading your posting helps me realize why the man I am with (who is married) needs to be with me. He has children, wife, a life but yet he needs more but doesn't want to break up his family.
    He has needs that they can't help him with.
    You are at the fork in the road, whatever you decide to do will be difficult. Good luck.

  4. I am also of the mind to "start fresh", but there are more things in life than kink and if you love her and want her and she makes your life worth living, stay.

    Master gave me the book, "The Ethical Slut" and I of course was offended because (maybe) much like your wife, I feel like it is my job to be everything that Master needs. So, I got the impression that He wanted me to let Him get other things He might need with other people and learn how to deal with it. It turns out He just wanted me to understand why He doesn't feel jealousy like I do and that maybe I could let go of some of my bad feelings.

    Idk what I am getting at here but a lot of what I have read so far in the book is about realizing that there are many ways to look at different relationships and that sometimes different needs are met by different people and how those different relationships do not have to have a negative affect on your relationship as a couple.

    It might be worth taking a look at, and if she seriously has too many issues of her own and doesn't want you outside of the relationship for this type of thing, maybe she will see how important it is to you if you are looking.. no...testing out different ideas on her.

    Lots of luck either way :)

  5. Situations like this are never easy. What ever you do, don't make the mistake of hiding who you are to those you love. Tell her, maybe then she'll understand. If not then you can make your choices in life from that. Its not easy, I know...

  6. William--you might start fresh with a woman who fulfills your every sadistic fantasy, yet end up hating her for lots of other reasons. I think my litmus test still holds true--when you come home in the evening, do you look forward to seeing her or do you dread it?