When I have these needs well up inside me. Threatening to break free, I call it "The hunger".
It is a physical need to dominate her, to take her as my own. To control her completely. To make her move and act as I command. I want her to do exactly as I want to please me. She will receive pleasure like she never imagined in return for this, but I must have her as I desire. I want her kneeling before me, wanting to please me with every part of her mind and body. I respect and know her limits, but I will push her right up against them. Take her beyond what she thinks she can handle, but not more than she can handle. She doesn't trust herself, or I think me for that matter, to be able to handle what I need from her. She is much stronger than she can imagine, and I want to show her that strength. We will never be able to advance beyond where we are now until she lets herself go into my care and control. We are kind of at an impasse. I don't think she sees it, or if she does, she doesn't seem to mind being there. We can go no farther without her trusting me. I feel myself pulling back a bit, not being able to convince her to move on. I try to stay postive, but it is so hard when there is nothing I can do to spur her on. Nothing I can say or do that will reassure her that she will be safe in my care. It is all up to her where we go. I cannot and will not force her to the next level. I can lead her, but not drag her there. For now I will just have to step back and see what she does. I give her info to try to help her, but get no reponse or acknowledgement of the info I give her. She says from time to time that she is almost there, but I can't keep jumping to conclusions that don't materialise.
I will continue to post stories and scenes of what I want and need, but I don't see me posting anything else about us until she makes her decision. This saddens me greatly, but I don't know what else to do.
Sorry for such a downer of a post tonight. I hope they will get better soon.