Saturday, October 1, 2011

I just want to give her pain...

I'm a little buzzed tonight. Had a few beers so excuse me if I ramble a bit.

We went to a familt reunion today, her side of the family. I saw quite a few young ladies that had smoking hot bodies. I wanted to tie them all up together and flog their asses one by one. One in particular was wearing a tiny little skin tight dress that accentuated her tight little body.

For the last few days the sadist in me has been trying to break free. I want to hurt My slut. I want to give her a lot of erotic pain. I want her to cry for me, to beg me to stop and fuck her wet cunt.

Of course right now she is laying in bed dozing off and on. Trying to stay awake so she can watch TV...

My life sucks right now. Why can't I be married to the pain slut of my dreams, or at least have one to play with?

I just want to make her ass bright red with my flogger and cane before I pound her throat and ass with my cock. I want to take her asshole and fill her guts with my cum, but she absolutely hates anal. How the hell did I get myself into this situation. How did someone who thinks about sex constantly end up with someone who thinks about sex as little as possible.

Will things ever change? Your guess is as good as mine.

I hope you all are having a great weekend!



  1. just a question William; has it always been like this? If so, how have you stayed together for 12 years?!
    Or is this something that has evolved over the years? Then maybe she's just stuck in a rut? She don't sound overly happy to me? Have you considered if she's menopausal? (sorry to get personal) That can cause "hormonal depression". Maybe it is something somatic that needs to be taken care of?
    Just a few spontaneous thoughts....

  2. I don't mean to be blunt, but I think it's almost impossible to make a relationship work when one person wants TTWD and the other isn't interested. But that isn't quite the case with her. She gives mixed signals, never really disavowing an interest in it. I do understand how incredibly frustrating it is. I think about sex all the time too, more than my hubby, and that in and of itself is frustrating.

    I know you've considered vanilla things before, but what about basic diet (healthy food), exercise, a clean environment, TV out of the bedroom. These may sound like really lame suggestions, but I find I am so much more "on" when my body feels healthy. My mind generally follows.

    Just trying to help. Or at least commiserate. :)

  3. I know that I may be repeating myself, but I guess the question you may have to ask yourself and each other is: Is this a deal breaker? How can you both arrange it so you each get as much of what you want as possible. A perpetual one-sided compromise isn't really a compromise at all. Perhaps subtle hints need to give way to serious heartfelt conversation.

    If she agrees to join in your wishes, then she has to make a sincere effort. If you agree to drop the matter then you have to drop it completely. Playing both sides never lasts in the long run.

    I sincerely hope you get want you need at the end of the day. You both deserve to be happy in the end even if that means a little discomfort in the beginning.

  4. my Master has asked me to pass along a message to you in the hopes of possibly being able to comment on your blog:

    "I have read elements of your blog and will continue to do so, however, one thing i have noticed is that the vast majority of your commentors so far appear to be submissive.

    You will find that blocking anonymous and name/email postings will severly limit your contact from dominant types as the majority will not want to go through the trouble of creating an entire identity just to post."

  5. I don't block any commenters, Sephani. I have never deleted any either. Even ones I don't agree with.

    I thank all of you for your helpful comments, and I am going to have to have a serious sit down talk with her. Like you said, she has to either agree to try or not. Saying she will, then doesn't is too frustrating and causes a lot of bad feelings between us.

  6. Sephani,
    I didn't realize anonymous commenters were blocked. I fixed it so anyone can comment now.

    Thank you,

  7. I still have more to read, so just playing catchup really.

    I have a few questions which I naturally will not be offended if you choose to ignore them.

    You identify yourself as a dom, but all I have read is about your needs as a sadist, I am early in the reading of your posts, but do you enforce any other tasks on your sub?

    based on wild assumption, if your sub is not intensively into pain, have you considered something a little less... "sharp" than the cane?

    From your descriptions so far you appear to build the fantasy in your mind and involve her near the end, have you considered having her maintain your tools? used a simple alternative such as a soft leather belt?

    I have edited the comment a few times in an attempt to avoid sounding preachy, superior or otherwise intrusive; my final question is your boundaries on comments, ideas and experiences/hints.

    Just making clear it is not my intention to stand on any toes.

  8. I'm not sure what kind of constructive comments I can say. At times, she seems to want it, but after reading other posts, it almost seems like she's doing it because you want her to, not because she wants to. She may never be the pain slut you want her to be.

    I know you've had conversations about it before, but they seem to go around in circles. After each conversation, things seem to go well for about a week and then they go back to how they were before.

    I'm sorry. I really am. I wish there was a way to help, but I can't think of anything I can do. =(

  9. Anon,
    I put no limits on comments. I'm still learning and welcome all hints and suggestions. As far as my dominance over her, read back through my blog and you will see that she isn't naturally submissive and that part is therefor the hardest for her. She actually handles pain better than she handles submission. I do hope you continue to read and comments here, even if you want to remain anonymous.


  10. If you have a submissive that is only submissive because you want her to be then you have a herculean task ahead of you. I won't say it's impossible because god knows stranger things have happend (Subtletimes for example).

    I guess first things are first.

    "She handles pain better than submission", do you mean she enjoys it or she tolerates it? the subbies that comment are free to correct me on this one, but I inflict pain on my submissive to work her into sub space, it is my reward to her for indulging my less savoury needs.

    Submission is an expansive term, I've known subbies that will perform sex acts on demand but refuse to clean the kitchen, others that consider it their lifes goal to be treated like a dog or as a human toilet. Please expand on your definition if your comfortable doing so.

  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

  12. Yay!!! William, you have a Dom offering some good advice and now that you have fixed the settings on your account, hopefully, you will be getting more input, and advice from others. I know I mentioned that this was something you needed sometime back. Thank goodness for the efforts of Stephani and her Master to help you out! Isn't that wonderful??

    Well, I don't think it's the end of the world if you have to get your needs filled somewhere else. If your life sucks because of this one factor, then you really kind of have it made. I don't mean any disrespect by that or to downplay your disappointment. But, with a failing economy, social issues, crime---hells bells: It could be a lot worse.
    For those of us that suffer significantly with NO, absolutely no hope of it getting better the rest of their days on this earth, reading a statement like that is something we envy. Oh, yes, you have it made, William.

  13. It's sephani, she gets so grouchy over the T :P

    still no harm, no foul.

  14. William,

    I write briefly at this point not only as a female, not only as a dominant one, but also a considerable sadist. I have, also in the distant past explored submission and "bottoming" so am very much aware of the battle within her mind and what she is going through, but also, understand now that I follow my natural path the frustrations that you are feeling. There are many things that stand out from what you have written. About the dynamic, the relationship, but the clear frustrations that you are having.

    I am going to certainly write something further, as soon as time allows. There are many things I relate to, and can see from both sides.

    I will return!

    With regards


  15. I look forward to more comments from everyone. Anonymous and known alike. I really look forward to your input Miss K. A unique viewpoint for sure.


  16. Why don't you just ask her plainly?

    Sit her down and ask: Is a D/s relationship something you would like to commit to?

    Otherwise, I have a feeling you're going to be on this rollercoaster indefinitely.

    What I'm gathering from reading is that you have some pretty deep and dark desires. Nothing even CLOSE to what she's been accepting from you as far as pain goes. You need to be honest with her about what you're hopefully wanting to get to. It's not fair for wither of you to hide your intentions.

    If submission is not something she is eager and ready to be a part of, you've got some thinking to do. You can either do what you do now and continually hope that she just eventually lets you do more, or you can be upfront, and question her wants.

    I'm not sure about the healing she experienced after previously being abused, but as someone who works with people abused and sexually abused, I can tell you that she's probably going through alot internally. It's hard enough for a non-abused woman to hear that her husband needs to give her pain, but for a woman who's been abused previously, it's like a nightmare. She has to separate pain and abuse from evil and bad in order to connect it with love. It's extremely confusing and a difficult task.

    Some open dialogue looks like it is very much needed!

    Good luck!

  17. William,

    As promised, I return. There are so many things that I could comment on.

    It seems that there is a very big imbalance within your relationship, the desires that you have, particularly the dark ones, and those of your wife. I am unsure of the experiences that she had in her earlier life, but as someone who has had personal experience of a relationship which involved non consensual violence and abuse, it is incredibly hard to reconcile feelings when you explore BDSM in terms of accepting things such as pain.

    Of course there is the one difference "consent", but it is incredibly hard within your mind to say that he wants to hurt me, and I like it. When in the past someone has inflicted awful hurts.

    I explored the depths of submission very early on when I discovered D/s, but one of the most difficult things was trying to process the thoughts and feelings that came from the aspect of "pain". The need of a sadistic Dominant who wanted to hurt me, and myself who was so deeply scared I didn't know what to do. I felt pressured by his sadistic needs, something that he made me very aware of. Something that you are making your wife very aware of. And in all honesty, that pressure, that fear made me want to run away from submitting and from him. But I wanted to please him so badly, I continually felt that I was letting him down . . .that I was failing him. And that is one of the most awful feelings to have.

    I wasn't running away because I wanted to, not because he was pushing me away, but I felt the pressure of his sadistic need which was not matched by me. I was scared of pain. I was scared of liking it. But more so I couldn't get past that my mind was saying it was wrong. The more we explored, the more I found myself enjoying it. And how could that be? A woman who had been beaten and abused, who had taken years to leave such a situation, handing herself over to someone who was beating and abusing her. Difficult isn't it?

    The difference is consent. But it is still hard to reconcile. I went through all of the thoughts that I had deserved what had happened before. But it is so so different.

    The more you push her William, the more you place a pressure upon her about or in relation to the dark sadistic needs you have, the more you will push her away.

    Here I am now, with a very dark, very sadistic nature. I look at a sub that I am with and I have strong desires to hurt him so much he cries. But I know that I have to reign in those feelings, to have control over them, and take it in small steps.

    There are such big differences between you and your wife, it seems from what you write that you are separated by an ocean. It maybe that you have to take a journey back, to start from the same shore, so that when you cross that ocean, you are doing it on the same ship, not one on a steamer while the other is doggy paddling with one hand, trying to keep their head above water.

    Sometimes our need can be incredibly strong. It is for someone in submitting, as much as it can be for those of us who are Dominant. That need to dominate, screams. When you are a sadist, that need to hurt someone eats away at you . . .I know. I get it. But sometimes we have to put our needs on hold so that we can be on the same page moving forward. Because right now, and from your writing, it seems you aren't even in the same book, let alone the same chapter or same page.

    Go back to the beginning. Discover what you both want and need. See what you can be on the same page about and build from there. It maybe something very small, her submission may come service wise, rather than sexually or through taking the pain you want to inflict.

    You cannot make someone be submissive. You cannot make someone want to submit. Just as you cannot make someone Dominant or to want to dominate. But its as frustrating as hell when those needs scream and there is no outlet for them.

    Best Wishes, K

  18. Very nice comment K.