Well we talked more yesterday about the letter I sent her. Not exactly the outcome I was hoping for. She still thinks that I'm just going to force her to do things she doesn't want to do. She is fearful and resistant of my control. I don't think she is ever going to really submit fully to me. It doesn't look like it is something that she has any desire for. I hope I'm wrong, but it doesn't sound like it.
What I told her to try to help her see it from my point of view, and to help her understand me was that the reason I let her back in, and the reason that our marriage started working again, is because she made my pleasure a priority to her. I pointed out the things that she did a year ago that earned her my love and trust again. I also told her that she had gotten away from those things a bit lately, and needed to get back to them.
I then asked her to look at the things I want, and to ask herself if what I want from her will really cost her anything. Will it harm her physically or mentally to submit to me. I just want her to look at it objectively, instead of emotionally. To trust me and know that even if she does decide to give me what I want, it isn't irrevocable. She seems to think it is, no matter what I say to her.
She did tell me that she may eventually let me cum in her mouth, but she wasn't sure or not. She told me that one time when she was giving me head, she was waiting for me to say I was going to cum, and she might have let me. Of course she was short on details as to when that was. I hope she was telling the truth, but there have been times in the past when she has told me similar things that I knew were untrue, so who knows.
All I do know is that I don't know anything about where this may be going. I just have a really strong feeling that I'm not going to get anything near what I want. I was aked by one of my followers if this would be a deal breaker. I have to say that I can't go back to vanilla, but I don't know what that would mean for my marriage. I don't want to leave my son, and another outlet for my desires is pretty much a no go. She would never agree to that. To much bad history there. So all in all, not a good outcome to what I wrote. I will keep everyone up to date on any new developments.
The one positive is that we did get to play Saturday. I got to cane her and flog her ass. She says she still hates the cane, but loves the flogger. I have a feeling that that may be the only thing she agrees to do. We'll see.