Well we talked more yesterday about the letter I sent her. Not exactly the outcome I was hoping for. She still thinks that I'm just going to force her to do things she doesn't want to do. She is fearful and resistant of my control. I don't think she is ever going to really submit fully to me. It doesn't look like it is something that she has any desire for. I hope I'm wrong, but it doesn't sound like it.
What I told her to try to help her see it from my point of view, and to help her understand me was that the reason I let her back in, and the reason that our marriage started working again, is because she made my pleasure a priority to her. I pointed out the things that she did a year ago that earned her my love and trust again. I also told her that she had gotten away from those things a bit lately, and needed to get back to them.
I then asked her to look at the things I want, and to ask herself if what I want from her will really cost her anything. Will it harm her physically or mentally to submit to me. I just want her to look at it objectively, instead of emotionally. To trust me and know that even if she does decide to give me what I want, it isn't irrevocable. She seems to think it is, no matter what I say to her.
She did tell me that she may eventually let me cum in her mouth, but she wasn't sure or not. She told me that one time when she was giving me head, she was waiting for me to say I was going to cum, and she might have let me. Of course she was short on details as to when that was. I hope she was telling the truth, but there have been times in the past when she has told me similar things that I knew were untrue, so who knows.
All I do know is that I don't know anything about where this may be going. I just have a really strong feeling that I'm not going to get anything near what I want. I was aked by one of my followers if this would be a deal breaker. I have to say that I can't go back to vanilla, but I don't know what that would mean for my marriage. I don't want to leave my son, and another outlet for my desires is pretty much a no go. She would never agree to that. To much bad history there. So all in all, not a good outcome to what I wrote. I will keep everyone up to date on any new developments.
The one positive is that we did get to play Saturday. I got to cane her and flog her ass. She says she still hates the cane, but loves the flogger. I have a feeling that that may be the only thing she agrees to do. We'll see.
William
My humble opinion? In that case keep to the flogger just now. Keep it all about pleasure and no "putting up" or "sacrifice". I know a lot of people think you should push and that she is being disrespectful, I think you should give her room. Pushing too hard will only push her away -and surely that isn't the desired outcome?
ReplyDeleteI guess you both have some soul searching to do.
I'm sorry it's difficult for you just now, -i hope you'll come out at the other end of the tunnel, where both of you get what you want and need.
Hugs,
Sweet girl.
please don't lose hope Sir and as for now please appreaciate what she agreed to give you, take for you... not all women are that willing and submissive...you also need to understand her, Sir.
ReplyDeleteI also don't have Dominant Husband, and I have my own needs, but I do respect Hima nd understand that it's not His nature to be Dominant. One can't have everything unfortunately... I appreciate all He does for me and His powerful love.
I wish you both good luck, Sir
i agree with sweet girl...don't push because the likelihood that You will push her away is great.Focus on the things that Y/you both enjoy.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck....
Searching
Sweet Girl is right. Find ways to show her that you appreciate what she's already done, how far she has come for YOU. She does this lovingly and unselfishly.
ReplyDeleteMay I be blunt? I think you will always want more- will never be satisfied because you are creative and will think of something more..
It must be incredible pressure for her to live like that.
Your letter was honest and open. Now are you willing to ask what SHE wants? Ask her if she feels pressured, and like she can never make you happy? Sad that she must endure things that are painful physically and emotionally? Resentful at times?
Allow her to share her thoughts, it may comfort her and establish more needed trust between you.
William--I feel really bad for you, honestly. I would like to see things work out for the two of you, being a brother in a similar struggle. I wish a had some savvy advice--I don't.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, I agree with some of the other posters that you need to just wait. How many women would even like being flogged? Of those, how many would you find unattractive in a thousand other ways (and I don't just mean physically)? If you decide to "trade in," will you be "trading up"? (Sorry to put it that crudely but that's what it comes down to, doesn't it?) And if you have a son together, wow!
Just step back every once in a while and love her for the things she does do. And try to slowly, oh so slowly, work on the things she won't do. I know how frustrating that is, believe me, I deal with it all the time too!
Bottom line: I truly wish you the best and hope the next post we see is one of the two steps forward that comes along with each one step back!
Thank you all for your comments. I know I need to be patient, and I will be. As far as asking what she wants, I have many times and her answer is generally,"I don't know." I'm trying to get her to experiment to learn what she likes. The flogger is one good example of that working out.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry Tom, I'm not going to be trading her in any time soon.
I'm giving her some time to process the letter and probably won't ask her about it for awhile. We'll see what happens, and hopefully my next post will be more upbeat.
Thank you,
William
Perhaps if she sees that you are prepared to work within the parameters she sets, that you respect her limits fully and show appreciation for the little things she does for you then she will begin to come round.
ReplyDeleteIt may be that her confidence and trust in you will slowly but surely begin to develop and she will learn that her well-being, both mental and physical, is YOUR biggest priority. This mutual respect may open doors facilitating her submission, allowing you more room to dominate and control.
It will get better with tiny baby steps I'm sure. Best of luck once again.
William -
ReplyDeleteFirst let me wish you a "happy anniversary" I went back to scan your earlier writing and discovered that you started writing in Sept 2010.
I do not normally comment on newish blogs - where the author doesn't know me.
But I do have some thoughts.. a bit jumbled - but let me see if I can share them..... for what they are worth.
I was wondering if you have ever had any of your toys used on you??? Especially the cane. I am a masochist and I have a love/hate relationship with the cane. In some ways it is one of the hardest toys to tolerate (in my opinion) and it takes a bit of learning before using..... I know it looks easy enough - a straight stick - whack it across an ass - how hard is that??? BUT there is a way to use a cane - different from say a flogger.
I asked if you have ever experienced the pain from your toys as in my experience often times the Dominant thinks it should be easy enough to take the pain.. "I'm not hitting THAT hard" sort of attitude. I am happier to hear a Dominant has gone a few rounds with each of their toys and actually KNOWS what they feel like.. what the pain feels like.
And being submissive does not mean you want to take pain.. or swallow cum ..or have needles stuck in your body - or be marked. It is a mind set - and honestly I don't believe one can teach someone to be something they are not.
On one hand I am sorry you are experiencing problems with your training.. but on the other hand I wonder if this is not just your dream and your wife is trying to please you - without any desire for it on her part.
Ok now I have 'rained on your parade' so to speak I will take my little masochist/submissive self off to the corner - and be quietly invisible :)
Thank you for your comments morningstar. Yes I have felt the cane on myself. I used it quite a few times on the inside of my forearm before I ever used it on My slut. In fact I have hit myself far harder than I have ever hit her. I left welts and marks that lasted for a few days the last time. Her marks have never lasted more than about ten minutes. On your other part, yes I have tasted my own juices. Not delicious, but not disgusting either. I know there are things she will never be able to do, I just want her to try them before hating them. I think she can learn to enjoy the pain as she has shown with the flogger. She loved wax from the start as well as the Wartenberg wheel. Something that many can't take at all. I am going to slow down and let things go as they go. They submission is definitely the hardest part for her, and I don't know if that will ever be a real part of our relationship, but I want her to try it on for size at least to find out.
ReplyDeleteThanks again for taking time to comment on my blog.
William