I really appreciate everyone's comments. I wanted to write more here instead of just having more long comments by me.
Jazmine, thank you very much for your kind words, and I'm sure no one here was offended by you stating your opinion from your unique point of view. I haven't written a lot about how she has been pretty much an absentee wife for many years. Hiding away in the bedroom most nights. Whenever I bring it up she will come out for a couple nights and spend time with me in the evening, but then she will revert back to her old bad habits.
As I've been looking at it objectively the last few days, things really haven't changed other than the fact that when we do have sex, she lets me flog her for awhile, but not too hard. Like I said in my last comment though, she gets a massage every time, and then she gets her vibe how she wants it, and then pretty much every time we have to finish up with just missionary sex.
She allows the cane, but I am not hitting her very hard at all. I have hit my inner forearm much, much harder to show her what it was like. The marks are gone within ten minutes, so you know I'm not hitting her very hard. When I did it to myself, the marks lasted about three days, and I didn't even leave a welt, just lines.
I'm really trying to give her the benifit of the doubt due to her past, and I have told her on numerous occasions, that if she didn't think she was going to be able to do this, we could stop and I would not bring it up again. It would be very tough for me, which I didn't tell her, but I would. Every time she got mad at me. and that she was trying her best. The thing is, she isn't trying very much. I know she had an abusive past, and if she can't get past it, I will understand. But she can't keep telling me she wants to do it, and then she refuses practically everything I want to do.
I think I'm just going to tell her I'm not going to initiate anything any more. I can't keep getting disappointed. I've been living with that for over ten years, and I can't take it anymore. I think I would rather not have any of it, than to be constantly let down thinking something was going to happen.
I'm just going to revoke her slut card. She wants me to call her that, but she's not living up to the term. Not even close. Sorry to bring everyone down with my bad situation. I will try to have a more upbeat post next time. Maybe I will have to write you all a nice dirty story...smiles...
Thank you to everyone for lending a sympathetic ear.