Friday, April 22, 2011

Holding back can be hard...

Some days are difficult for me. When I want to really cut loose and take her completely under my control. Grab her by the hair and take her to her knees and feed her my cock. To completely let my Dominance run free...Unfortunately she is not ready for that yet. Most days I can rationalize that if I'm just patient we will get there. Other days I think we will never get to the relationship I want. I don't know if she will ever be able to completely let go and submit to me.

She is doing pretty good with the physical things I want to do, but it's the psychological part that she struggles with the most. Letting me take control of her scares the shit out of her. Her controlling and abusive ex left me that legacy. The thing I want more than anything is for her to kneel before me and give herself to me with no reservations. To wear My collar. Trust me with her heart and soul. She knows that if I wanted to control her like her ex did, I would have done it a long time ago with very little difficulty, but I don't want that. Her submission taken instead of given is worthless to me. If I just force her I am no better than him. I would just be another abuser and that isn't me.

I want to use her body hard, but not against her will. I want to be a demanding Master and really push her limits, but I can only do that with her consent. I hope she will learn to let go soon. I have some really amazing plans and ideas for what I want to do with and to her. I will give her explosive orgasms, leaving her gasping and panting, totally exhausted and satisfied. I want to just rip the orgasms from her, forcing her to cum over and over until her cunt is dripping and completely worn out. Her body covered in My marks so she feels it for days. Knowing every moment who owns her body.

That is what I need, will I get it? I honestly don't know. Some days I confidently say yes, other days I am completely clueless as to what she is thinking.

Well another day down and a three day weekend ahead. I'm hoping to get her to wear her corset under her clothes to her parents for Easter. She probably won't, but I can always hope.

Happy Easter all!



  1. It really is mind blowing how one girls fantasy and total desire is anothers nightmare. What you described is exactly what I want and I don't know if I will ever get that either. At the moment I am kind of frustrated with the whole thing.

    I wish I had some advise to give you or something really wise to say but everything I think of sounds stupid to me right now.

  2. I doubt what you have to say is stupid. Like you say what I want to give is what you need. That is not stupid. We just sometimes end up with partners that don't completely fit us, but in my case having a child, leaving to find someone else really isn't feasible. We can always talk to each other about our needs and it might help each other. Never be afraid of saying something. I obviously understand frustration.

  3. I think, if you continue to work at it, you'll be able to get her there eventually. From what I read, she seems to be making a lot of progress...I'm sure it's just hard for her because of the things she's been through in the past; once she learns to move past the abuse, and can trust you completely, maybe she'll be more willing to submit. I hope everything works out for you two.