William is my alter ego. My dark side. He has always been there, even before I knew what He wanted. From the time I was very young, there has always been a dark side to my personality. Even looking back to the age of five, I always knew there was something a little scary deep in me, so I endeavoured to keep it on a tight leash. I never allowed myself to get too angry. I even avoided fights by walking away, allowing myself to be called a chicken because I wouldn't fight. I think it's because I always was a bit fearful of what would happen if I lost all control.
As I matured, I began to make friends with this other side of me. He mellowed with age and now he knows what he needs to be happy. To taste the erotic pain of a submissive woman. To feel her anguish at accepting his pain, and feel the love from her in doing so. Showing her love in taking more than she thinks she can to make him happy. I only recently discovered this taste. I have been researching all aspects of BDSM for the last few years. Really digging deep and studying everything I could find. I wanted to find out exactly what I wanted and needed. What makes my heart pound and my cock hard.
The more I began to learn about erotic sadism and the giving of pain, the more I craved it. The thought of My slut taking a hard flogging or caning and crying for me gives me a feeling I can't describe. I have no desire to do it against her will of course, and I have no idea if she will ever be able to do it, but I hope she will be able to. I have told her that I want her tears of joy and pain. She has given me her tears of joy when she has a particularly intense orgasm. I always kiss her eyes as she calms down. I love to taste the tears that she is giving to me. I also want to taste her tears of pain. Will they be sweeter to me because they are given to me as a gift. A gift of taking something difficult for her to take, for my pleasure. She got a little nervous when I told her I wanted her tears of pain. I think she thought I would just hurt her out of hand. Without her consent. She now knows that won't happen. Something else that makes me want her tears of joy and pain are that they are two ends of the spectrum having the same result. Like they are near each other in sensation. I've always thought that the line between pleasure and pain is razor thin.
Tonight she was standing in front of me in the kitchen and I bit her hard on the neck. She told me no fair because I couldn't give her pleasure to balance out the pain. She is still having her medical difficulties, but she got medication tonight. Then later she was standing in front of me as I sat at my desk. I swatted her ass hard a couple times then grabbed a big chunk of flesh on each of her ass cheeks and pinched hard. She said it hurt, and I said of course it does, and I wasn't going to let go until she gave me a deep kiss. Of course she did, so I let go, but not before I lifted up her shirt and gave her a hard bite on her breast. The mark I gave her a couple weeks ago has faded and I didn't like her being without My mark. I'll have to check tomorrow to see if I made a bruise or not. As she turned to walk away, I gave each cheek a hard swat. She again said I wasn't being fair because she couldn't do it back. I told her life wasn't fair, and besides, she knows I'm a sadist. As she started to go to our room I told her to show me her tits. She asked if I wanted to see if I left a mark, and I told her no, I just wanted to see her lovely tits.
So I am gradually introducing more pain into the relationship, and I will start talking to her more about it, and how much I need it. I know it might frighten her, but it is what I need. Just about a year ago is when I discovered this need. I told my oldest sister who is a Domme that I was a sadist. She couldn't believe it because I have always been so quiet, but now she sees it in me. She is the same way.
I will start using pain more in My slut's training when she feels better, but in the meantime I will write about it. Tell you some stories that are in my head. Let William out for a little exercise. Let Him flex his muscles and stretch His legs a bit. I hope you enjoy his adventures.