Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Some progress...

We played tonight. I started with the cane and flogger. She wasn't able to take much because her period is near. So we moved on to her vibe until she came a few times. Then we started talking about how I wanted to finish. I didn't want to just fuck because due to the fact that we hadn't done anything in almost two weeks, I knew I wouldn't last very long and that is always frustrating to me.

I told her what I wanted to do, but she wasn't willing to do it, so we were negotiating a way to make me happy when our son started hollering about needing help on the computer. By the time I got that squared away it was getting late and dinner had to be made. To make a long story short, I didn't get to finish.

We did talk a lot about what I want compared to what she thinks she can do. There is still some distance between us, but we are getting closer to a hopeful compromise. She told me she knows I can't bury those feelings. She knows the times I have, have been a disaster for me mentally. She felt bad not being able to do the things I want, and she's afraid I'll leave. I assured her that no matter what I'm not going anywhere.

I told her I just want her to give me her best, which she hasn't yet. She has to get past her fear of stepping out of her comfort zone. If she tries something and hates it, as long as she gives it an honest effort I will be satisfied.

I'm going to keep the dialog going, letting her know what my needs are and try to find a common ground between us.



  1. William, you are doing everything right in my book. The fact that she knows how hard it is for you and how much you need TTWD, speaks volumes to me. She's trying, even though it might not seem like much to the casual observer. Her attitude is better than the partner who really has no clue or is dismissive of your needs. I agree with someone who commented awhile ago that you'll reach sainthood someday. :)

  2. That's right, you just ply her with what your needs are!

    She'll get to a point where she won't be fearing you leaving, she will be wishing it! And if your attitude is to just keep piling on your needs onto her, I can't say that I would blame her.

    My sympathies certainly go to her.

  3. I'm proud of you, for opening up some dialogue and talking things out with her. I also think it was a good idea to get down to what her fears are (i.e. you leaving) and reassuring her...maybe doing that more in the future will make her more comfortable about stepping out of her comfort zone.

    I know, personally, that I'm sometimes afraid to do new things, because of fears holding me back. Maybe, if you continually reassure her that, no matter what happens, as long as she tries, everything will be okay, she'll be more willing to try new things.

    I'm not sure what Anonymous's deal is...I don't think there's anything wrong with having certain needs, and trying to get your partner to fulfill them. In fact, most people in your situation would have just flat-out left by now, and I think it's admirable that you're trying to work it through and compromise, instead of just throwing in the towel, or forcing her to do whatever you want...


  4. "I told her I just want.."

    "....about how I wanted to finish"

    "what I want compared to what she thinks she can do"

    "She felt bad not being able to do the things I want"

    "I told her I just want her to give me her best, which she hasn't yet"

    "I will be satisfied."

    William , I hate to say this but this is ALL about what YOU want. What about what she wants? When are you going to realise that she will NOT come on board and freely submit to a man that is not desrving of it.

    Once you have a power exchange and she has agreed to submit to you then you can control the situation. Until then you are equals and telling her what to do just won't cut it. She has to see that you are worthy of her submission. Communication, trust, respect and compatibility are key elements in facilitating this.

    Have you considered that she is not innately submissive and does not wish to enter into a D/s union with you. She may prefer to remain your equal in a relatively vanilla partnership with the odd spanking thrown in every now and again. People say things they don't necessarily mean if under pressure from their partner, which she appears to be given she is bombarded with your erotic fiction and ideas about what you want.

    I would be asking myself after this period of time of getting no-where if it's a no-brainer .....she just ain't kinky.

    These are not criticisms, simply observations from your writings by an outsider.

    As always, good luck in your quest.

  5. As long as you continue to work toward a compromise -- that sounds like a good thing!

    I'm sure it will work out eventually!

  6. William: Sadly I must agree with some of the other comments. You can't make a fish eat bird food. If your wife is not into the things you are she will never be. I hope yoi can find enough common ground to make things work. My situation, as you know, has reached an impasse. I will take what I can get! My lizard is still a sweet and wonderful woman and I still love her. She does alot for me even if it's not everything I want.